Defeater Ethics: Sexuality (Part 1)

How can a good God make demands about my sexuality and my identity?

We continue our defeater ethics series with arguably the most controversial ethical objection of them all. Many, if not most, Christian ethics our world still agrees with. The idea of a God who condemns murder, thievery, and falsehood as sin is accepted as uncontroversial and in no way brings into question the goodness of God. But the moment Christian ethics dares venture into human sexuality, we run into significant objects. A God who makes ethical demands that threaten my sexual and gender expression, freedom, and enjoyment cannot be good and is therefore not worth consideration, much less conversion.

Let's discuss. And I will do my best to do so without insulting anyone's intelligence or dignity. I am very aware that some have simply removed this stumbling block from the Christian faith to make it more palatable to our society. This, I believe, insults people's intelligence. Perhaps reinterpreting clear passages of Scripture and disregarding two millenniums of Christian sexual ethics in a way that conveniently coincides with rapidly changing views on human sexuality makes Christianity less controversial, but it's disingenuous.

The problem, however, is that those Christians who are honest with what we believe tend to present these beliefs in an unthoughtful, ungracious, at times, downright cruel manner. And this is an insult to people's dignity. For example, a Christian state representative here in Kentucky recently labeled the LGBTQ+ community as a disease. What an abominable insult to the dignity of image bearers of God.

Is it still possible to have this discussion like adults without insulting anyone's intelligence or dignity? I am going to try my best. And because of the topic's controversial nature, I will need more than one post to do so. Here I will lay the foundation of the discussion by speaking broadly to the topic of Christian sexual ethics in a way that hopefully sets the tone of the discussion. And the safest way to accomplish this is by allowing Jesus to guide us.

I want to turn to a well-known story from the gospel of John, where Jesus is confronted with the issue of sexual immorality, because in it, Jesus issues a challenge to both sides of our cultural divide. His first and fiercest challenge is not directed toward those deemed the "sexually immoral" of society but toward religious conservatives who pride themselves on adherence to God's sexual ethic.

I have said that each of these defeater ethics deserves an apology because the objection to God's goodness is often rooted in a valid criticism of us. And this topic, in particular, certainly deserves a sincere apology. I am sorry that too often we have approached this discussion like the scribes and Pharisees in John 8.

The scribes and Pharisees were the gatekeepers of religious values and morality in their day, but interestingly, they hated Jesus though the views Jesus held would technically qualify him as a "religious conservative." Like us, Jesus lived in a society with its own culture war of sorts. It was a hotly contested intermingling of traditional Jewish religious morals and Rome's hedonistic culture, particularly sexual hedonism. In principle, Jesus is obviously on the Jewish side of that divide, considering he wrote and perfectly adhered to the moral laws they claimed to love. Yet the scribes and the Pharisees despised Jesus, and the supposed immoral of society loved Jesus the most. Isn't that fascinating? Something about the morality of Jesus made him offensive to the "moral" of society and appealing to the "immoral." This is because Jesus strongly rejected that dichotomy of moral superiority.

In John 8, the scribes and Pharisees bring a woman caught in adultery and essentially say to Jesus, "The law condemns her; will you condemn her?" And Jesus gets out of their dilemma, not by compromising God's moral law, but by his strong commitment to the fullness of the law: "Let him who is without sin be the first to cast a stone." Meaning, if you want to talk about sexual morality, let's talk about it. Where do you stand?

If you are not a Christian or have left the Christian faith, I hope you see Jesus as your advocate here. He is rebuking the hypocritical self-righteousness that may have harmed you. Self-righteousness is a form of moral evasion. It seeks to justify oneself not by how we measure up to God but by how we measure up to others. Rather than competing against God's law in a competition we cannot win, we compete against the morality of others in a competition we wrongly assume we can win. Simply put, since the holiness of God is off the table, I will turn instead to "holier than thou."

Therefore, self-righteousness requires an overemphasis on the immorality of others and a de-emphasis of my immorality. This is what the scribes and Pharisees are presenting to Jesus, and he won't allow them to get away with it. Very well, the righteous are welcome to cast a stone, but the self-righteous are not allowed. Applying this to our own cultural moment, it is right to conclude that Christ's first and fiercest rebuke would not be toward secular sexuality but self-righteous sexuality.

It says the woman was caught in adultery, but Jesus defines adultery as anyone who looks with lust at another. If this is his standard of "straight" sexuality, then whose sexuality is worthy of such label? If the internet search histories of churchgoers were exposed for all to see, do you know how laughable it would be to assume we have the moral high ground to cast stones at our culture's sexual beliefs and practices?

My Christian brothers and sisters, our strongest protest must be a protest against any form of self-righteous sexuality within us. And if this form of self-righteousness has harmed you, your critique is valid, and I am truly sorry. Christians have always struggled with a proclivity to downplay our sins while fixating on the sins of the world around us, and nowhere is that truer now than in the area of human sexuality.

The problem, however, is that well-intended Christians seeking to heal the harm we have inflicted wrongly reshape our ethics in the image of our culture, assuming secular sexuality is the remedy to self-righteous sexuality. Jesus won't allow this, either. The story concludes with these beautiful words from Jesus to the adulterous woman, "I do not condemn you." This is the welcoming Savior we rightfully want to proclaim to those who feel condemned by Christianity. But the Savior isn't done. He then says to her, "Go and sin no more." We are simply not being honest about Jesus if we hide this about him.

While it is true that Jesus first confronts self-righteous sexuality, he does have a confrontation for secular sexuality. And for reasons we will discuss in our next post, nothing is more offensive to our society than a Jesus who disagrees with our sexual views and practices. We love a Jesus who calls hatred and prejudice a sin, and rightfully so. But a Jesus who attaches sin to sexuality has risen to become the highest offense and greatest stumbling block to the Christian faith.

But it is what it is, and he is who he is. As his follower, Jesus gets to disagree with me and tell me what to do with my sexuality. Likewise, if you want to follow Jesus, then it is a choice to let him disagree with you and tell you what to do. He gets to say to us what he says to the sexually promiscuous woman, "Go and sin no more."

I understand if my non-Christian friends can't accept Jesus on those terms. It is a cross to follow Jesus, and perhaps nowhere will you feel that death more than in your sexuality. That is certainly where I felt it most when I converted and immediately became convicted, not just of my sexual actions but my very thought life. It was and is a cross. But what I have discovered on the other side of that death is a resurrection.

My humble challenge in the form of a question: What if life is found not on your terms but on his? If you will not accept a God who disagrees with you, then you are essentially saying the only god I  accept is me. Well, I'm wondering if you have the humility to assess your life with you as your own God. Specifically, in light of this topic, how is life with you in charge of your sexuality?

If you're like most, chances are your greatest regrets, deepest shame, and most painful wounds stem from something sexual. Nothing is more powerful than our sexuality, which is why sexual sin hurts the most. And every time we are wounded by sex, it is because we have done something Jesus disagrees with.

What if you need to be told what to do? What if the supposed sexual liberation has proven to be a painful oppressor? What if the author of your sexuality actually knows what you should do with your sexuality? We assume love demands agreement, but often the opposite is true. What if Jesus is willing to disagree with you because he loves you?

His disagreement may be too much for you, but if you will accept Jesus on his terms, I promise he will not treat you like the self-righteous have treated you. Just like this woman caught in her sin and shame, on your behalf, Jesus says to all the self-righteous people who have harmed you, "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone!" And then the only one left to pick up a stone doesn't. Instead, Jesus picks up his cross.

All our sexual shame and regret, all that we hide from others, was exposed on the cross, and all that was exposed found its condemnation and termination in Jesus. So that though others may condemn you, God never will. In this way, our Lord who disagrees with us is our Savior who dies for us.

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